September 27, 2006: NFL
Commentary, Week 3
By White Russian
Fatherly Advice from Jaws and the Coach
"I
always remember this, because I heard it from a lot of coaches, 'When you
point one finger, three point back.' As a player you have to look in the mirror
and evaluate your own performance, number one."
Ron Jaworski, regarding Jeremy Shockey calling
out his coach
"There's an old saying, 'Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut
and appear stupid, than open it and remove all doubt.'"
Mike Ditka, regarding Jeremy Shockey calling
out his coach
"Tough times don't last. Tough people do last."
Mike Ditka, regarding the recovery of hurricane
ravaged New Orleans
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Quest for Winless Perfection
The number of winless teams has dropped from eleven to seven (Kansas City,
Oakland, Cleveland, Houston, Tennessee, Detroit, and Tampa Bay.) Oakland is
the only team remaining that has yet to score a touchdown this seeason.
Prediction Based on Nothing
Deion Branch will return to the Patriots in the offseason.
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Of the 48 total points scored in the game, the first 45 were scored by the
team going with the wind. The final 3 came on a 36 yard Pittsburgh field goal
in the 4th quarter.
Insignificant Question of the Week
Why do commentators on TV and radio always insist on saying "National
Football League" when all that is necessary is "the league"?
This question also goes for times when they will refer to the game at hand
as "this football game" instead of "this game." While
there are times when it is appropriate to clarify which league or which game
is being referred to, or it may be nice to just change it up a little bit,
these are times when everyone knows exactly what they are talking about and
they will repeat the full "National Football League" statement multiple
times in the course of a conversation. For example, instead of hearing, "Mark
Brunell has been playing in the league for 82 years - what a durable player,"
you will hear, "Mark Brunell has been playing in the National Football
League for 82 years - what a durable football player." This is like always
saying "One thousand, two hundred" instead of the more casual "twelve
hundred." Once in a while it is fine to spell it out completely with
the formal name or formal reference, but when it is done as often as it is,
it becomes annoying.
Quote of the Week
"Well fellas, make no mistake, a lot of people thought that this was
going to be a game like clubbing baby seals. But they forgot to tell the Arizona
Wildcats that."
Jack Arute, sideline reporter for the USC
vs. Arizona game, in the first quarter with the score tied at zero
This Week’s Edition of Commentators Who Need To Go
Joe Theissman - not someone you look forward to listening to on Monday night.
Egregious Fantasy Notes
The Egregious Error Tally has been re-established in week 3 after two weeks
of gross mis-management by Tin Man.
Tin
Man is given one and half Egregious Errors - one half for not choosing a Last
Man Standing team (first offense), one for continued neglect of his roster
after the admonition in week 2. Tin Man failed to submit a roster for week
3 and therefore carried over his flawed roster from week 2, which included
3 players on a bye week. This roster also included third string running back
Earnest Graham of Tampa Bay, who managed his one and only SmallWorld point
for the season in week 3. Notably absent from his roster was Brian Westbrook,
who totalled 516 points in week 3, after a 277 point week 2. Westbrook's two
week total of 793 was lost while Tin Man managed to get 1 point out of Graham
in the two week period. The bye week trio (Larry Johnson, Dante Hall, and
Tony Gonzalez) could have been replaced by Edgerrin James (260), Reggie Brown,
who stepped up for injured Donte Stallworth (222), and L.J. Smith (104) for
a difference of 586 points. The insistence on Graham for the last 2 weeks
and the inclusion of the bye week trio has reasonably resulted in a loss of
1,378 points. If you add in those lost points, Tin Man could be in the thick
of the race. His potential 7,083.7 points would put him in third, only 129.7
points behind first place and only 11.1 points behind second. And this does
not even factor in that Westbrook probably would have been the number 1 back
in week 3, giving him a 10% bonus, or 51.6 more points, which could have placed
Tin Man in second place, behind by only 78.1 points.
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