August 30, 2005: An Open Letter to the Everett Aquasox
Everett Aquasox
3802 Broadway
Everett, WA 98201
Attn: Dan Lewis, General Manager
Dear Mr. Lewis,
On July 28th, 2005, the BMTG embarked on its Northwest Road Trip to visit minor and major league ballparks. The state of Washington is state number three in the BMTG odyssey to visit at least one minor league ballpark in all fifty states. We are pleased to inform you that the Everett Aquasox were voted to be the best overall baseball experience of the Northwest. The final vote was tight, with the Eugene Emeralds coming in a close second, followed by the Seattle Mariners and the Tacoma Rainiers. The Portland Beavers was not ranked for overall experience, as the BMTG was only able to take in a small portion of their game, thanks to The Diesel’s ill-fated detour in the East Bay of Budd Inlet along with the safe but agonizingly slow driving by Brother Nature. To be fair to Brother Nature, he was not driving in his normal heavy-traffic-only mode and would have resumed his standard back-seater duties had he been willing to sit in The Diesel’s wet spot.
The difference maker that tipped the scales in favor of the Aquasox was the hardest working and most dedicated member of your staff, Dana. Dana, unaware that we had traveled over 600 miles to see the Aquasox, went the extra mile to make sure that our experience was complete. For Throcksmorton, Dana, whose photo was featured on usesoap.com as August’s Picture of the Month, was like an angel sent from Heaven. Please extend to Dana the thanks of the BMTG for her excellent customer service. Even when the BMTG was confronted with the rule about not bringing in outside food, the staff was courteous and considerate, tying up The Diesel’s kettlecorn groundscore and keeping it safe until he was able to retrieve it at the end of the game. The only regret was that Ahchie was unable to purchase an Aquasox minibat, as they were sold out.
It may also interest you that despite the poor drivers, the filthiness of downtown Seattle, the people walking Grand Theft Auto stagger-style down the street, the severe lack of suitable pizza places, and Starbuck’s curious decision to close by 11 PM, BMTG membership favors Washington over Oregon by a 3 to 1 ratio. While Southern Oregon was deemed to be a waste, Northern Oregon was seen to be trying to be like Washington. The Diesel noted that he would “like to see Oregon paved to make it a big parking lot for Washington.” Even Brother Nature, who seemed to genuinely like Oregon, referred to the state as “butt cleaner” and said that the state motto should be “Don’t Touch My Oregon.” It was also determined that approximately 42% of the population of Oregon suffers from some type of retardation, most likely caused by tainted water.
Once again, congratulations to the Everett Aquasox for your designation by the BMTG as the best overall baseball experience of the Northwest. Feel free to use the BMTG’s endorsement of the Aquasox in your promotional material. You can reach us online at usesoap.com and can contact us via e-mail at bmtg@usesoap.com.
Sincerely,
(SIGNED BY THE BMTG BIG FOUR)
CC
Peter A. Carfanga, Owner and President, Everett Aquasox
Eugene Emeralds Baseball Club
Dave Lewis, Tacoma Rainiers General Manager
Bill Bavasi, Seattle Mariners General Manager
John Cunningham, Portland Beavers President and General Manager